Given the tricky situations that can arise when we have to take care of ourselves in the face of stereotypes about what disability is “supposed” to be, many people with invisible or sometimes-invisible conditions spend inordinate amounts of energy pretending to be fine. For instance, my old workplace once hung a sign next to the automatic door button: For use only by the disabled. I’d been trying to overcome painful impingements in both shoulders due to joint hypermobility, and could practically hear my lovely physical therapist’s voice in my head imploring me to press the button instead of prying open the heavy door. But every time I saw the sign, I hesitated, and eventually stopped using the automatic door altogether out of fear being judged or having to explain myself. I actively chose conservation of my mental energy over my physical needs.
Similar situations arise with handicap bathrooms, parking spaces, and public transportation seats, where people with a huge range of disabilities might choose to self-police instead of risk being policed by others. These moments which seem so quiet and personal — someone with a seizure disorder not taking the handicap seat, someone with Crohn’s Disease waiting for the regular bathroom, someone with fibromyalgia taking the stairs instead of the elevator — are indicators of a mass psychology in which the oppressed and downtrodden are not, by default, taken care of. They learn to neglect themselves on others’ behalves.